Jimmy Fenimore

Be Not Afraid! Another Sex and the City is Great For All of Us!

Jimmy Fenimore — Mon, 10 May 2010 18:57:00 GMT

Sex and the City 2! I know women and children all over the country are going bonkers over the new movie. They are especially crazy in New York because every girl living in a 200 mile radius of Manhattan feels they are Sarah Jessica Parker. As men beat their heads into a wall having to deal with another summer of Sex and the City I am here to tell you fear not! This could be the best news since hearing “The A-Team” was being released.

The thing is, men see Batman and think one of two things. They can rob a bank with war paint on their face or they can construct a cape that will help them fly the streets and keep the city safe at night. All people are like that. We see something we love on the silver screen, we tend to mimic it. Women love Sex and the City. What is Sex and the City? It’s a show turned movie about 4 women that if they existed in real life would be considered the 4 easiest women on the planet. Chalk one up for the drunk dude who hasn’t gotten laid in the year 2010 yet! This one’s for you! Yeah, by the end of June you won’t see most of these girls out on the town anymore because they will no doubt bankrupt themselves on shoes and hand bags they see in the movie, but for a solid month they will find it OK to meet a guy on the first night and sleep with him. That is, as long as over brunch the next day they can give a witty reason why they did it to their other girl friends. “He said he was French! I later learned he just eats French fries for lunch every day! Ha Ha!” Or “He had an eye patch and a fake leg. You all know how sexy I find Johnny Depp in those pirate movies!” “And you do love rum! Ha! Ha! Ha!”

Ladies, you do know a gay man is the head writer right? Libido and morality of a man, fashion sense of a woman. Why do you think they’re so classy and fashionable but end up having sexual relations three times with 4 different men in a half hour episode? It’s simple math really.

At the end of the day, everyone is really a winner with this movie. Women get to see their favorite fab foursome in action then get to pretend to be them. Men get to sit back and enjoy the ride. I guess the only loser in this situation is the guy in a relationship. He doesn’t get to take advantage of the moral depravity and will most likely get dragged to the theater to see the movie. Sucks to be you guy.

Stop Destroying FML!

Jimmy Fenimore — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 13:50:00 GMT

FMyLife.Com is a website that is one of my favorites. That and texts from last night have to be two of the greatest things since peanut butter artificially inseminated jelly. The premise is simple. You write a short sentence or two about something that happened in your life and we get to vote on if your life is F'ed or not. It's a pretty sweet deal. A couple great examples are ....

Today, I saw a professor of mine who I admire as I went into the bathroom. We greeted each other, then I went into a stall and he went into the stall next to mine. For the next five minutes, he had to listen to me having epic diarrhea. FML

Today, I found a cute baby bunny... with my lawn mower. FML

Today, a random woman walked up, kicked me in the nuts and told me to never call her again. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

Do I believe everything people put on the site? Hell no. I'm not a moron. But it's great for a good chuckle. What's even better is that people started using FML in every day life. It's like a code amongst the younger generation. In a meeting when the boss lays down a ton of work on your lap and you say "FML." The 35 and under crowd knows what's up. Telling a great story of how you were at a bar, really making moves on this girl, she was completely into you and then as she goes on a bathroom break the bartender leans in and tells you he slipped her a spanish fly and pulls out the old finders keepers on you.... FML. Who can argue with playground rules? These are all revolutionary things in the slang that our culture has embraced. However, there is a growing epidemic. People using the term... for real.

"My Nana just died. FML." That could be the worst FML of all time. Yeah lady, your life truly is F'ed right now. Guess what? It didn't make me laugh. FAIL. That's not funny. Stop using FML in a context that isn't going to make me laugh. Actually, check that. Your life isn't F'ed. Your life just sucks right now. That term has worked since like the 80's. Let's stick with that. You got laid off? Your life sucks. You are getting divorced? Your life sucks. BUT if at the will reading your nana left you her intimate toys? FML. You got laid off while the company was turning record profits and at an all time high hiring period? FML. Your wife is leaving you for a woman that plays in the WNBA because she wanted to be with someone that can actually dunk a basketball? FML.

FML. I'm taking it back.

NYC Doorman Strike; Confesions of a Shopaholic

Jimmy Fenimore — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 13:19:00 GMT

If you haven’t heard, all the NYC doormen are striking. Considering most of my viewership pulls in 250K +, you feel my pain. Those of you who don’t have doormen like to throw stones at our ivory tower. I’m here to tell you, I could care less about the fact I don’t have to have an awkward exchange with people that speak a completely different language. Sure it’s going to suck having to take my own garbage out and deal with the awful odor and puddles of spoiled milk in the elevators because people don’t know how to pour their sh%^ out before throwing it away. Leaky garbage? Who needs it? Not me. Not my garbage, not my problem. But that's not why I am devastated by this strike.

You see, I am an avid online shopper. I know that sounds like a chick thing, but since I have been introduced to the world wide market place, I haven’t been able to stand on line at a store. I’m not buying Jimmy Choo’s so save the gay jokes for another time. Underwear? One click away. Chocolate Cheerios? Hello fresh direct. Wheels for my sweet ass new roller blades? Here’s my credit card and shipping address.

Everyday for me is like my own little Christmas. I figure, it’s the best day of the year, why not make it all 365. So I get to come home, get a package and because I order so much crap, I never know what I’m opening! If you don’t think I shake and examine the package, you’re crazy. Ripping through those boxes is the closest to the ignorant bliss I got as a child. So sure it’s not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures, but I have never been so excited to get a pair of tube socks to wear while I’m shredding through central park on the new blades.

So with the doorman strike, nobody will be there to sign for my prized possessions. Now I will have to go to UPS, wait online for an hour, and pick my stuff up. Kind of defeats the purpose for online shopping. Personally, I think they should waive the shipping charges.

Formspring.Me..... WTF?!

Jimmy Fenimore — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 18:46:00 GMT

Formspring.me is the new big thing on Facebook. Don't know what it is? I was going to cut and paste and explanation from Wikipedia, but that doesn't even say what it is. Only that kids love it. Essentially, it's a way to anonymously ask people questions. They can choose to answer it or not. Like Chat Roulette, a fun and innocent idea that is easily corruptible.

You see, people are using this opportunity to ask mean and down right grotesque things. There are brave souls let the questions through and answer them. Most people just decline the comment and go eat a gallon of Ben & Jerrys with all the lights off. I have seen the questions range from "wow you are so pretty, how do you do it?!" to "I heard you like to be tied down and fed #$%## while you're engaging in #$%$%, with #%%&@ and then using it to go strawberry picking. And all questions in between.

Why do people do this? They think they are a celebrity that's why. The same three people ask the questions. Your best friend, the loser that has a crush on you, and your arch rival. (Don't think your best friend isn't throwing a few degrading questions in there either). I know people become celebrities for nothing these days, but you at least need a crappy reality show on E! for that. You are not a celeb. People don't care what your favorite color is or why you have to keep your peas separated from your steak. We get it. You have confidence issues and answering questions makes you feel important. To be honest though, I don't feel bad when people ask you awful things on it. Formspring is a joke of epic proportions.

On a side note, I know I have addressed the issue of us not knowing how to communicate anymore. How kids today don't even know how to ask a girl out because they are used to the texting and the god awful smiley faces. But to those that hate the person on Formspring.Me, feel free to ask the gross questions, but sign off on it. Let them know who it is accusing them of taking a stuffed deer head and pouring #$&@ all over it then dressing it up like a #%#@@! and caressing it's @$#@#. At least this way, the rest of us can enjoy the fist fight at lunch the next day.

Tiki dumps his wife. Doesn't Consult me for PR.

Jimmy Fenimore — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 14:02:00 GMT

It's no real secret that I don't like Tiki Barber. So I can rant and rave about what a d-bag he is for dumping a wife and 4 kids to trade up. Let's not fool ourselves people. Look at that picture! He's trading up. But that would be biased. Instead, I am going to give athletes and celebs alike a little advice on what to think about before leaving their families and destroying their public image.

Let me start out by saying they can always repair their image. They will take their lumps for a while, but Tom Brady went from being a man that ditched his knocked up lady friend to a man that picks up his wives dogs crap in plastic bags. At least, that's what he is in the public eye. Woody Allen basically dated his daughter. Roman Polansky raped a child. For some reason those two are well liked. Well mostly.

Basically, if you're a celeb over say 27 you should never leave anyone, not even your mothers basement for a girl living in a dorm room rocking the home made collage over her bed. That's right Traci Lynn Johnson! Don't think I didn't notice that! You minx you! That just yells disaster. Sure, if he's a single guy and feels like having a fling there, go for it. But to break up a home for a girl that still eats Ramen noodles and has her girls come over after their dorm meeting to watch Real World / Road Rules Challenge? Probably not the best idea.

A Tiger Woods post. Finally.

Jimmy Fenimore — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 13:32:00 GMT

People have been asking me about the Tiger Woods situation. You see, when you're in a position like mine, you get readers that don't want to start a debate at the water cooler with co-workers until you have studied the topic thoroughly but most importantly, gotten my opinion. As far as the personal stuff goes, the cheating, the lying, the 9 iron to the head and the raunchy, dirty and down right nasty text messages goes, I say shut ya mouth with your blah blah blah. Who cares. That's family business and quite frankly, not why anyone cares about you. We care about Tiger for two reasons. One, he is the most unreal golfer most of us have ever seen. Two, he is the most fined golfer in the history of the PGA. He curses more than anyone (not that you would ever know that because this secret is better kept than Lebron James having a kid since he's like 12) and generally kind of not a nice guy.

Honestly, I think he should just embrace it. Turn heel man! All the greats have done it. Hogan, Danika Patrick, George W., Stone Cold, Jordan, and of course, the great Shooter McGavin. Imagine if his press conference was just him going up to the stand and saying "Finally, Tiger has come BACK to golf. Party is over fellas, you better start sinking putts." Oh yeah, he HAS TO start talking in the third person. It's the great sign of all the heels. Just imagine how bad ass he would be? He lost all his sponsors anyway. This way, he's bound to pick up a few new ones. Let him appear in a Go Daddy superbowl commercial where he knocks over a kid looking for an autograph so he can go make out with Danika Patrick. Not only will it make him some big bucks, but I'm sure that he states in one of his texts he has a fantasy of making out while listening to a kid cry in the back. True story.

I'd also be perfectly happy if he ran for President. However, I'd be more happy if he didn't go the Obama route and went this way instead...

Worst. Spin. Move. Ever

Jimmy Fenimore — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 12:42:00 GMT

What the hell? Is this move even legal? I did play soccer, but I didn't know the rules. Like, every time I was the one throwing the ball in, the ref always threw the challenge flag. Don't ask me why. Till this day I have no idea what I was doing wrong. I just kicked balls hard and ass even harder. That's why I was dominant at soccer. Now that you have a little back story on my soccer career I must admit I had no idea this sweet move was even legal. I have heard of the spin-o-rama in hockey and that move was like my bread and butter. If I knew this was possible, I would have gotten a soccer scholarship to some crazy school, dropped out after a year to play in Europe, made a billion dollars in three years because soccer players make even more than baseball players, retire, buy a boat and just make prank calls with auto tune all day. Why can't I do that? All because I had no idea this move was even legal.

Jorge is turning into this guy.

Jimmy Fenimore — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 00:05:00 GMT

Things I hate in this city

Jimmy Fenimore — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 19:23:00 GMT

Those of you who know me, know I love this city. There is no better place to live than New York. I haven’t lived anywhere else, but that’s neither here nor there. That being said, there are a lot of things that bug me about this city. See, the thing with a city like New York is, your main transportation is your feet. So walking is kind of an art in New York. Like how rigshawing is an art in China. Rigshawing? That can’t be the right way to say that? Anyway, here are the types of walkers I can’t stand.

The Floater

This monster is unavoidable. You are bound to see one around every corner, in every street alley, up every block. This human detour sign is there for one reason and one reason alone, to slow your ass down. In my experience if the Floater isn’t abnormally large or walking with some sort of an aid (like a cane, seeing dog, or annoying toddler) it‘s usually a middle age man or woman who is annoyed they can no longer collect welfare checks. Obama told these clowns to get a job. So they spend every moment going to work, returning from lunch, or taking a casual stroll taking as much time as possible. They spend so much time and energy on trying not work, that it actually becomes more exhausting than the work they would have done in that time. You don’t need to understand the rules to know them.

The Tag Team

This is basically two or more floaters walking together. The funny thing is more often than not The Tag Team when operating as independent entities walks at a fine, respectable pace. Put them together though and they feel like they need to savor every moment they have with each other. Hey, nobody cares if you’re on Team Edward or if you feel bad for Sandra Bullock. Pick up the pace. At least with a floater you have a 50/50 shot of getting around them. The Tag Team? 99 times out of 100 you are stuck until a street corner. I don’t accept those odds. I have been known to run out in the middle of 6^th avenue to get around these gossiping slow pokes. I don’t advise that though. It took years of training and I still haven’t mastered the Chinese delivery boy on his mongoose bike with front and back pegs. Remember, Chinese food waits for no one.

The Scaffold Scaredy Cat

These are like the people that drive so fast they are about the travel back in time but when they see that 18 wheeler they hit the brakes so hard you can smell rubber. As soon as this guy gets under the scaffold it’s like they have to admire the artwork the construction worker with an 8^th grade education and 5^th grade sense of humor put on the wall. Get a life guy. It’s just boobs. Ha. I wrote boobs.

The Speed Racer

This cat moves at impossible speeds. I mean Usain Bolt would be impressed at how fast this guy moves. Weaving in and out of pedestrians, paying no attention to who he knocks over. Women, children, men with small builds. He will kick the walking stick of a blind man if it meant being on that N train platform before you. This sounds like someone I would enjoy right? Not slowing me down any. Wrong. See, I have an ego problem. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY can walk faster than me on the street. Usually, this isn’t a problem, but occasionally I meet up with a Speed Racer. Guess what guy? It’s on. You kick out a walking stick? I leap frog a lady riding a Rascal. There’s no stopping my competitive walking spirit. I’m not even taking the N train but I will swipe in with my metro card and hit that platform before you. Sometimes you got to kick a little ass to show the people in this city who’s the boss.

The Paparazzi

Hands down my most hated walker in the city. Repeat. MOST HATED. The odd thing is, if I wasn’t walking and I was just having a cold one at an outside café, I find these people hilarious. But when I’m trying to get somewhere, I hate these people with the fire of a thousand suns. Now, I’m not a racist, but I also know I am genetically not able to dunk a basketball. That being said, Paparazzi are always Asian. I don’t know what it is, but they need to take a picture with EVERYTHING. Sure, you see the naked cowboy, you may want to pose with him like you’re licking cream cheese off his abs. Fine, whatever. But the guy that sells knock off DVD’s on my block, trust me, he ain’t worth your time. So what if he sold you a copy of Hot Tub Time Machine in Swahili, he doesn’t need to be on your facebook page. So while I’m walking home from a long days work, don’t think I’m stopping to let you finish your photo. Enjoy tagging my right ear in your album. Jim Fenimore. Search for it on the book.

Slum Doggin it with TWC

Jimmy Fenimore — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 13:53:00 GMT

So here's the deal. I am chatting with some lady to get my user name for Time Warner Cable. Why would I ever need this you ask? So I can watch Yankee games from my computer. That's why. I am no longer chatting and I am on the phone right now. It has been over an hour and I still can't get this information. Sidenote: I paid my bill before calling, it took 3 seconds.

James:    Hey Ivy
James:    Are you in India?
James:    Slum Dog is like, my favorite movie ever
Ivy:    I apologize for the inconvenience caused to you, James.
Ivy:    I will surely assist you to resolve your issue.
James:    Why thank you so much!
Ivy:    You are most welcome.
Ivy:    We are located in West Virginia.
Ivy:    I understand that you want to retrieve your Road Runner master email
address and password. Am I correct?
James:    oh man
James:    I like Slum Dog way more than deliverence
James:    yes that would be great
Ivy:    Alright.
Ivy:    Before we begin, please provide the following three pieces of
information to verify your account and to document this interaction for future
reference:

1. The account holder's 10 digit telephone number. (xxx-xxx-xxxx)
2. The account holder's Full Name (First and Last)
3. Please tell us your name.
James:    Were you guys super upset when WVU lost to DUke
James:    I hate DUke
James:    with every bone in my body
James:    oh whoops
James:    time to give you real information
James:    sorry
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Ivy:    A Modem MAC address is written on the sticker, at the bottom of the
modem as 12 hexadecimal characters (0-9, A-F).

The grouping of those 12 characters into pairs separated by colons or hyphens.
It will be in the form of HFC MAC ID (also known as the CMAC, CM MAC, CMCI MAC,
EA or Ethernet Address)
James:    uhhh, im at work
James:    Can I access that from there
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Ivy:    I can help you by providing the contact information for the appropriate
department, who will assist you with this issue.
Ivy:    Is that fine with you?
James:    WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
James:    that would be fannnnnnnnnnntastic
James:    I want to watch my Yankees today!
James:    That Mark Texiera is just so dreamy
James:    You're the best Ivy
Ivy:    Thank you, James. I will certainly provide you the information.
Ivy:    Rest assured, they will resolve the issue at your satisfaction.
James:    Ivy, for real
James:    if you're ever in New YOrk
James:    I'm taking you out
James:    You're so great
James:    who do I have to talk to over here to get you a raise
Ivy:    Thank you for the offer.
Ivy:    Rest assured, they will resolve the issue at your satisfaction.
Ivy:    Is there anything else that I can help you with?
James:    Thanks Ivy!
Ivy:    You are most welcome.
James:    Nope, that's it. Watch out for that Huggins guy
James:    seems a little too close with the WVU students
Ivy:    Sure.
Ivy:    It was a pleasure assisting you today.
James:    Ciao Bella
Ivy:    Thank you for contacting Road Runner Technical Chat Support, again my
name is Ivy, we value you as a customer.
Ivy:    Take care.
Ivy:    Analyst has closed chat and left the room

Where in the World is Jimmy Fenimore? (To the Carmen Sandiego Music)

Jimmy Fenimore — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 01:22:00 GMT

"Guess who's back. Back again. Guess who's back. Tell a friend."

Hey! How are you? I'm good thanks. A lot has happened since the last time we met. In my life, in the real world, hopefully in your life. Well, despite my hardest attempt at getting a job in broadcasting, I had to get a real job. Sure, I'd still love to be on television or the radio, but for now I was just concentrating on work. For those e-mails from friends, family, and readers about missing me, the feeling is mutual. For those of you who could care less about me? Trust me when I say the feeling is more than mutual. So here I am, back in the saddle but in a different role. Like I told you, I have a real job now and real responsibilities. That being said, I won't be able to post my usual 4-8 articles daily. I can assure you I will post at least once a day and it will be more of my original pieces than me just doing color commentary on stupid athletes, politicians, foreigners and Americans alike. So without further ado, we will play the "What in the world is Jimmy Fenimore doing?!"

Since we last met I moved into the city. I won't tell you exactly where because I can't deal with being stalked by my crazy fans... all three of you that have read my "Where are they now" article 1,209,298 times. I hope you're finally caught up on the Savages. It's been a good time and has yielded me very little sleep. Every weekend I say I'm going to have a nice relaxing couple of days and catch up on my rem. Every weekend turns into a bigger "S" show than the last. Good times. Who knew being twenty something and living in the city would be so much fun? The writers of friends. That's who!

I went to Europe for almost three weeks. Michael Jackson, Steve McNair, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, and Arturo Gotti all died while I was out of the country. Like I always suspected, when I leave, everything goes to hell. Other than those unfortunate deaths, Europe was pretty cool. Obama is kind of a big deal there. Speaking of, I was in Rome for the G-8. No. I wasn't there to protest it. It just happened by coincidence. The morning I was supposed to go to the Vatican, we got held up because Obama was driving by our hotel. I was so close I could have spit on his car. Some people that read this probably think I did. Those of you who know me, know I don't believe in spitting.

As for the future of the blog, I do plan on being here to entertain you for a small portion of your work day. Now that I am in an office setting, I understand why some of you appreciated my blogs. (Even if they couldn't pass an 8th grade english class.) So as unemployment rises, as the economy drops further, and as more people drop dead, I will be here. Guiding you through the dark times. I'm not being the hero. I'm being something else. Something more. With that being said, I can use your help. Always up for story ideas and guest writers. Please e-mail me. JimmyFenimore@gmail.com. Who knows, if you write something somewhat in the english language, I'll publish it. WTF do I care? It's only my name on the site, and my name has been dragged through the mud more times then the 16 year olds at warped tour after a rain shower.

Oh yeah. Good to see you all again.

Where are they now?

Jimmy Fenimore — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 00:57:00 GMT

I decided to compile a few stars from my childhood who I don't know what they're doing today. My crack research team knew of only one place to go. Wikipedia. Why Wikipedia? Well.....

Ben and Fred Savage: Why do I team up the brothers you ask? Despite both hanging out under beds with monsters as kids, they both also had their own television shows where they landed girls they couldn't even dream of in real life. I'm talking about Topenga from Boy Meets World and Winnie from The Wonder Years. Here's a fun fact, Daniel Stern who did the voice over work for the Wonder Years was also their father in Little Monsters.

I don't know if Ben is actually smart, or just got by because he was a kid sensation. He interned for Senator Arlen Spector, so that's kind of interesting. He also graduate Stanford and he was part of the Sigma Chi frat. Can you imagine being the brothers while Ben Savage pledged? I would demand he bring Topenga to a mixer, during hell week I would play the same three Boy Meets World episodes over and over, and of course, I'd make him dress up like Maurice and hand out flyers on campus. That would be fun as hell.

Oh yeah, apparently he's filming some movie right now. Whatever.

On to Ben. Apparently, this dudes a real stoner. There's no Wiki-evidence of that, but he likes Phish and goes to see them all the time. My guess is stoner. We loved him as Kevin Arnold, but like a lot of these child stars he was too good to be just an actor, he needed to direct. So he started directing his brothers show Boy Meets World, and then he directs a bunch of Nickelodeon shows. He did direct that movie Daddy Day Care for which he won a nomination from the Raspberry Awards for worst director. Congrats Fred! There isn't really a whole lot on Fred, so if you want to go back and watch a masterpiece, watch The Wizard. Fantastic movie. When the kid pulls out the power glove for the first time, a moment in cinematic history.

I was going to put in Elizabeth Berkley in this spot too but she's pretty boring. I did learn one fantastic fact. Remember Showgirls when she bared all to the world? Well she beat out a few other actresses for that role. Jenny McCarthy, Denise Richards, and Charlize Theron. Could you imagine any of those three in that role?! I would have bought the DVD. Who do you want to know about? E-Mail me at Jimmyfenimore@gmail.com.

Advice from your humble blogger

Jimmy Fenimore — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 00:26:00 GMT

I got an e-mail about a week ago and I wasn't sure if it was serious or not. I could care less because I'd like to discuss it. Basically the gist of the whole thing was if you can hook up or date a girl your buddy was hooking up or dating. Interesting problem to have. At first, I was like no way, not cool at all. Then I started thinking about it, and that's not really a good way to go about it. There has to be exceptions. So, let's see if we can't come up with some rules about when a chick is on and off limits.

If said "dating" took place in high school or the first two years of college it doesn't count. I'm sorry, it just doesn't. You're kids then, she doesn't know anything about you. Like, how much money you have, what kind of 401k plan is set up, where you live, what kind of car you drive, and if you have class or not. Considering all these issues can be resolved in high school and college based on how fast you can bong a beer, no, these years are completely out of the scenario. So if you're interested in a girl your buddy was going out with when he was 16 (and you are at least 22) just go for it. No permission even needed.

Escalation is key. If your friend was hooking up with some girl and never took it too serious, but you want to actually date her, this is fine. If you are willing to go at least one step further then your buddy, it's fair game. So if he met the girl at a bar and made out with her, and you would like to hook up with her on a regular basis, that's totally fine. As long as you're willing to take it more seriously then your friend, you're money.

If he cheated. I've got no love for cheaters. If he cheated, she's fair game to anyone. Double edged sword though. You can't use the cheating as a way to get close to her. So if you dig this girl and you know your buddy is cheating on her, you can't tell her about it to get close. That is a major no no.

I was thinking if your friend was the one that ended it, it would be okay to go for her. Upon further review, I don't think that's a good idea. If that is the case, you need to ask permission from your friend. Another double edged sword. If he says no to you dating her, the next five times you guys are out together he must yield to you first if there is a group of girls you are hanging out with before he makes a move on any of them. 10 times if you have irrefutable evidence that she would be really into you. i.e. e-mail, text, or a SWAK.

The plot to Pearl Harbor? Totally fine. If your friend goes off to war and is presumed dead, you and the so called "widow" get together after the fact. Then he shows back up because he was just just missing in action and not dead. You haven't done anything wrong but not must accept whatever her decision is. If she can't make one, a series of tests will take place to win her heart. They may include but are not exclusive to, arm wrestling, beer pong, 1 on 1 game of hoops, quarters, heads up Texas Hold Em, betting on the most random sporting act around (great during winter olympics because of events like Curling and the Spider), and of course a foot race to the girl, whoever touches her first wins. Basically play ground rules. They worked when you were five, they can work again.

Now, any and all of these rules can be broken if you get married. The problem there is you don't know if it's acceptable until years later because let's get real here, nobody that's stable dates a girl once and thinks they're getting married. Key word is stable. The even trickier part is, if you do decide to get married, do you invite said "friend/ex-boyfriend" to the wedding? If he is involved with another girl yes. If not and he isn't in the bridal party, no invite should be extended. That's just rubbing it in. If he is in the bridal party, he gets first pick on what girl to escort during the ceremony.

None of these rules apply to women. On more then one occasion I have been cited for saying women are the master sex. I believe that. When it comes to this though, absolutely not. Women will yes you to death to your face, then bad mouth you all over town, and if we're being brutally honest here, they are probably right to do so.

Iraqi man kills soccer player about to score a goal

Jimmy Fenimore — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 18:51:00 GMT

Fox News:Police say an Iraqi soccer player has been shot dead just as he was about to kick what could have been the tying goal in a weekend game south of Baghdad. Police Maj. Muthanna Khalid says a striker from the Buhairat amateur team was facing only the goalie during a Sunday match in Hillah when a supporter of the rival Sinjar club shot him in the head in the final minute of play. Sinjar was leading 1-0 when the shooting occurred. Khalid said a spectator was arrested. More Iraqis are turning out for sports events now that security is improving. Major matches in Baghdad are heavily guarded but security in amateur games in smaller cities is often lax.

We at JimmyFenimore.com always search out the silver lining. I think it's pretty obvious what that is here. The psychopaths and loony tunes are back to being normal every day citizens and not country leaders. If you recall, one of Saddam's sons had severely burned the entire national teams feet after losing in international competition. That's just wrong on so many levels. Now .com doesn't support any sort of violence towards athletes unless it's being directed at O.J. Simpson or Adam "Pacman" Jones but we see progress in this tragedy. No longer do Iraqi athletes have to fear being tortured by their leaders. Instead, like the rest of the athletes around the world, they have to fear unruly fans. The truth is, this is small potatoes compared to some of the other Soccer related deaths around the world. We've heard of some nasty brawls regarding Yanks/Sox but these soccer nuts take the cake. From riots to gang beatings, when their team loses, forget it. No one is safe. That's why you need Bruce Willis to be commissioner of all sports. After all, he is the last boy scout.

Boy tried to kill mother for finding his pot

Jimmy Fenimore — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:53:00 GMT

Fox News: COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — A 15-year-old Colorado Springs boy has been arrested for allegedly assaulting his mother after she discovered his stash of marijuana. Police say the boy hit, kicked and choked the woman at their home Sunday afternoon until she lost consciousness. Family members took her to Memorial Hospital, where she was treated and later released.

What's going on here? Colorado parents actually try to catch their kids with pot? I thought that was a perk of living out there, if it grows out of the ground you can smoke it. So maybe some of the parents hold to traditional values. This kid needs to down shift and take a deep breath. You got caught smoking a joint so you try to kill your mother? That's just not cool man. I don't have the numbers in front of me, but I think 89% of teenagers get caught blazing by their parents. It's not big deal. Take the few weeks banned to your room where you can chat online, play Xbox, and yes, continue to smoke joints. Then you learn from your mistakes. Like, maybe not leave your stash on your nightstand when you come home wasted at night and sleep through your mom walking in your room at 1 in the afternoon to check on you because you're still sleeping. Am I projecting here? I think I'm projecting. Let's really think about this, he obviously wasn't high when he freaked out. No stoner is motivated enough to kill someone. So he was probably stone cold sober. What kind of punishment do you think she was trying to implement here? 700 lashings? The only rational thing I could think of is that he got home after a stressful day of being taught how America is the worst place on the planet (this is Colorado after all), and all he wanted to do was unwind with a spliffer. What happens? He finds out his mom stole his stash! (This is Colorado after all). Sometimes you got to put people in line when they steal your stash, I don't doubt that, but come on kid, that's your mom. Sharing is caring.

1 in 7 men think it's cool to slap their woman if she dresses "sexy"

Jimmy Fenimore — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:18:00 GMT

London Times One in seven people believe it is acceptable in some circumstances for a man to hit his wife or girlfriend if she is dressed in “sexy or revealing clothes in public”, according to the findings of a survey released today. A similar number believed that it was all right for a man to slap his wife or girlfriend if she is “nagging or constantly moaning at him”.

Once again the good people of England show their true colors. When the Prime Minister gave Obama some awesome historic gift the other day and Obama gave him 25 DVD's, I had no problem with the English being salty about that. Now, I don't really care what they think. Are they a nation of pimps? This is coming off the heels or the whole Rihanna beating. This is something I would have liked to addressed in a podcast, but who knows if those things will be coming back. I don't know if you heard, but she struck a deal with Chris Brown saying if he does so much as squeeze her arm too tight he has to give her 10 million bucks. Now if I was her, millionaire or not, I'd be saying some pretty mean stuff to him and "chase that papah eyy eyyy eyyy". That's obviously not the most sound relationship.

Getting back to England. 1 in 7 think it's ok to slap a woman because she dresses sexy? What about if she doesn't put out? Is that like, 5 in 7? You can hit a woman in England if she nags at you? Heres what I say to the Queen. Make this law, let men hit a woman for dressing sexy or nagging, but also put in the law that a woman can cut off a mans appendages if they come home drunk, refuse to turn off the "football" game in favor of England Idol, get laid off, forget a major birthday or holiday, and finally, if they ever complain about their in-laws. At the end of the day, a man should be happy his woman wants to dress sexy, it beats the alternative.

Bauer Hour

Jimmy Fenimore — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 01:46:00 GMT

Today we dedicate this blog to a great American. A man that looked evil in the eye, grew a snazzy beard, wore a black turtle neck and beat it back with a stick. Sure, when we first met him like all new comers he didn't trust Bauer. Like most however, he learned the error of his ways and trusted him so much, that he took his place and gave his life to protect the President. Bill Buchanan will be missed. I love when the clock makes no noise after a cast member dies. However, when Janice goes, I hope they turn the clock noise up just a little louder. Maybe have a clown jump on screen with a cake as we celebrate her demise. Let's get to the rest of the show.

Jon Voight like really doesn't like the President. I hope he's someone cool. Remember Jacks brother and father? That should have been a real big deal and it felt anti climactic. Voight should be like the head of the Bildabergs of the Free Masons or something. All this talk about people missing from the administration and Aaron bringing up Martha makes me think that maybe a few old suits may show up. That would be fun.

Larry Moss better stop interrupting Jack. Sure he actually has a position in the government, but he's also a sissy mary. So he better watch his mouth. I am curious to know how the whole Renee suspension thing plays out. Maybe she joins "CTU on wheels"? If so, I hope her first order of business is bringing back the old phones. Don't you miss the way the ring? It's the little things that make me happy.

By the way, remember Michelle Dessler? Well, if you were as big a fan as I was, you will be happy to know she is on LOST now. Unfortunately, the climate on a tropical Island doesn't let her wear leather jackets, so you will have to deal with her in a sun dress.

So the interrogation was actually kind of fun before the whole gas and stab routine. The Bauer whisper is a greater deterrent then the arms build up. At what point is Larry Moss going to pull the old Bill Buchanan and start trusting Jack? My guess is the next few hours it will happen. I hope it happens soon though, because that's when the fun will start.

Saved by the Bell.... A Social Phenomenon

Jimmy Fenimore — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 18:08:00 GMT

This morning I was up at 7 a.m. As many of my contemporaries know, there is only one thing to do at that hour on a week day. Watch Saved by the Bell re-runs. Now people who know me and my readers alike know that Saved by the Bell is my main source of knowledge. Much of my character was derived from that show. Today though, I realized it had a much bigger influence on me then I ever realized. It embraced the most obvious of stereotypes. I could take offense to it, but instead, I enjoy it. I know what you're thinking. "Not Saved by the Bell! It's so innocent!" That's what you think.

The two episodes I watched were when Zach and Slater were fighting over who gets to take Kelly to Prom. Zach wins obviously, because well, that's what he does. He's a winner. If you remember, Kelly can't go because her dad gets laid off and she can't afford a dress. Now you may be thinking, well her last name is Kapowski, and she is Polish. Maybe her fathers level of intelligence is why he got laid off. But that is not where I'm going with this. (Please remember I am speaking in stereotypes, in no way do I think polish people are stupid. I think all people are stupid, some of them are from Poland, some from other places.) What you don't remember about this episode is that the whole gang goes to the movies because Screech is trying to woo Lisa to being his prom date. What do you think happens through out the whole movie? Yup, you guessed it. Lisa Turtle, the lone african american main stay of the cast talks through out the whole movie! Can you believe that! Even in the early 1990's they were exploiting this stereotype! She ruins the movie for everyone so much that Screech refuses to go to prom with her! That's a whole lot of talking. I was in awe when I had this revelation.

The second episode was when Zach finally asks Kelly to go "steady". On a side note, I always wondered, did this ever really happen? Did people really ask to go steady? Can someone over the age of 40 please clear this up for me. The only way I ever knew of people getting together is getting drunk on a random night, maybe making some bad decisions, keep repeating until somehow it happens when you're sober, then getting roped into meeting her family, ultimately knowing what the rest of your life looks like and ending the whole thing. I would just like to know if this so called "steady" technique ever actually took place. Sorry about that, I digress. While Zach is awaiting the answer of Kelly a new faculty member comes to work at the school and BOY is she SMOKING. It turns out not only is she the school nurse, but I'm pretty sure I haven't seen nurses on Halloween wear outfits this sexy. This was a Saturday morning show for kids! Now I know why my generation goes out on Halloween and girls wear dental floss as bikini tops. Hey, I'm not complaining.

At the end of all this hard work and research it just confirms the fact that no television show had a greater influence on a generation then Saved by the Bell. People can say what they want in the opposition and you know what? They would be wrong. WWZMD?

My School Shut Down!

Jimmy Fenimore — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 15:10:00 GMT

Some of you know this, some of you don't. When I drop a post saying "Going to the studio, be back later", I'm going to the school. Connecticut School of Broadcasting has been around for five decades and they closed their doors in an odd way. At 10:30 last night I received an e-mail from the director of my school on Long Island. Basically he said the school and studio were shutting down and won't be opened until further notice. There are 25 other campuses across the nation. I'm sure those graduates got an e-mail too. So the school that taught broadcasting, had no idea how to use it.

Keep in mind, I have no problem with local teachers and directors. This was a business decision plain and simple. The old cut an run strategy reminiscent of the bank collapse during the great depression. Sure, our life savings weren't behind the doors of CSB as it was in those banks. Instead it was our futures that were behind the doors. People have demo reels they have poured their heart and soul in for months on end in hopes to get some low paying, high stress job in the field they want. Others have work behind those doors. Work they're proud of. Work they want to show their friends and family. Maybe it's just work they want to watch or listen to in order to improve their skills. How did the broadcasting school handle this? Told staff to pack their stuff, get out and not to talk to anyone. Pinned a note on the door for students to read as they woke up this morning to go to class. For us graduates, we got an e-mail. Again, I have no problem with the local staff, it's not their fault. It's the people in headquarters I have a major problem with.

In an age where broadcasting is all day, every day, in a million different ways, the school we trusted to teach us that, forgot to utilize it. In todays world, in no way should someone be going to work or school only to see a sign that says "Go home, idiot." How did we have no idea this was coming? How did we as future broadcasters not investigate this further? How can the school act so crudely? A major selling point for me was lifetime access to the studio after graduating. I thought any tuition was worth that, because unlike critics of the school, I actually know how much it costs to book studio time.

Our director was kind enough to send us an e-mail, but the students all over the country just showed up and saw a note? Is that some sort of joke? The kids spent a ton of money and all you do for them is post a note? Be creative, you're a broadcasting school. Cut together a video, maybe do a podcast like me, or maybe, just maybe, you could have given someone a heads up so at the very least, they could make sure they took their work from the studio and brought it home. Nah. Instead it's the cut and run, the bait and switch, the cap and trade. Despite what people want you do think, there are good people, and there are bad people. It's very simple. The clowns that came up with this idea, the people claiming to care about training people for broadcasting and being a beacon of the education world, those people, are bad, bad people. No convincing me otherwise.

Thoughts and prayers to all staff from the Westbury campus. Godspeed.

R2D2... a misunderstood droid.

Jimmy Fenimore — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 21:13:00 GMT

Ever wonder what he really said? Well here is his shots from Episode 1 with subtitles. The first minute is good stuff, then it gets a little boring. Episode 1 was pretty bad huh?