Sports Update!
-UFC: Should let them use swords. That would be sweet.
- Dallas Cowboys: In the words of 50 cent, "You's a pop tart sweet heart, soft in the middle"
-Houston Texans: Vegas finally realized they cover the spreads. Sucks for us.
-Miami Dolphins: Only beat good teams. In week 1, they lost to the Jets.
-New York Rangers: Need a top goal scorer.
-Milwaukee Brewers: Willie Randolph?
-LA Dodgers: Maybe Hank was right. They're not that good.
-New York Knicks: Will not win a championship this year.
-Boston Celtics: Won't either
-David Beckam: AC Milan?
-Philadelphia Phillies: Every ESPN analyst picks them to win World Series. This means bet the other way.
-LaDanian Tomlinson: Washed up. That's right. I said it.
-Boston Red Sox: Mark Texiera? Take it from a Yankee fan who wants him. He ain't worth the money.
-Brett Favre: Likes using his cell phone.
-ESPN: Hates Jay Glazer. "DO NOT REPORT"
-Denver Broncos: John Elway is a winner. Jay Cutler, you are no John Elway.
-New York Mets: Try, really try, to trade Luis Castillo. Well done Omar.
-Brad Childress: Dead Man Walking
-Wade Phillips: Also dead man walking, from a heart attack.
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