Rules for Halloween
Halloween is right around the corner. It is my favorite holliday, but also the source of my greatest annoyance. So here are rules for you all to follow while dressing up and partying hard on Halloween.
Costume choice for the men
I understand if you are an introvert and not into getting too crazy with a costume. That's fine. Go to a local market and get a generic costume. I'm cool with it. My gripe is with "creative" people. If you're a dude your costume needs to be funny or really cool. No "Rico Suave I think I'm James Bond so I can pull off anything" crap. The fact is, girls will be more attracted to a dude in a 20 dollar sailor outfit. Halloween is not an excuse to wear a dapper suit and get a plastic tommy gun and say you're a gangster. Halloween and sexy, that's for the girls.
If you're creative? Use it man. Don't go be the big movie character of the summer. Unless your costume is unreal, you're going to be the same thing as half the party. So let's say your making out with a chick and your dressed up as Indiana Jones. You need to grab a beer or hit the bathroom. One of the other 12 Jones boys can swoop in and pick up where you left off, the girl being none the wiser. It's cool to be a movie character, just be unique. Like the pop star from Forgetting Sarah Marshell. That's not great, but it's unique.
This means DO NOT BE THE JOKER. I REPEAT. DO NOT BE THE JOKER.
Costume choice for the ladies
Everyone says you need to be sexy or whores. Now, I am all for it. I love it. I need it. You don't need to dress up to make me happy though. You can still pull off a cute outfit. Generally speaking, it's hard for a girl to be funny on Halloween. Not because girls aren't funny, but because the guys are dissapointed you went with funny and not with a costume where you leave very little to the imagination. Sexy is easy. No need to be original. But if you are going to go for a cute outfit, again, be original. Also if you go sexy, let's fight for womens rights here. Instead of being a sexy nurse, be a sexy doctor damn it.
You are never too old to have fun
Grab yourself some eggs, maybe shaving cream, and go hunting. Not as fun from when you were a kid? Make a game out of it. Throw money down, 10 points to nail a kid with an egg. 5 points with shaving cream. -5 every time you get hit. Winner take all. It's like fantasy bombing for Halloween.
Remember the costumes!
Just because a girl or guy looks smoking hot on Halloween doesn't mean they are. Hook up at your own risk. Know the next morning when you wake up, you may want to kill yourself. If you don't want to sneak out of the house and never speak to the other person again? There is a good chance, you are the ugly one.
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